Since the end of my junior year, I found myself to be an emotional eater and more than likely a food addict. I eat when I'm bored, when I'm emotional, when I'm sad, and when I feel bad about myself, and the impulse to eat is nearly impossible to ignore. I start to eat when I wake up in the morning, and don't stop until I fall asleep at night. And I don't eat healthy foods either. I eat cheeseburgers, candy, soda, pizza, ice cream, anything fried or made of sugar, or anything that I can get my hands on. Over the course of an emotionally challenging year and a half, I have gained a total of 50 lbs. My clothes no longer fit, I avoid photos, I hate the idea of people seeing me at my current weight, and I don't feel good about myself anymore. My self confidence and my faith have taken a huge hit, and my health is not nearly where it should be for someone of my age.

I now feel worse about myself than I did when I started this habit of emotional eating. I no longer have control over my own body, since I simply act on the impulses of my emotions and feelings.  I have gone from a size 10/12 to a size 16 + in pants, and have gone from 140 pounds to 195 pounds, which is more than I have even admitted to those closest to me. When I look  in the mirror, I don't see extra pounds that I need to lose. I've realized those extra pounds are the physical representation of the emotional feelings that I carry around with me. Around my hips I see my own insecurities and people I need to forgive, around my stomach I see where I've been disappointed in myself, and around my waist I see where I have failed. I have let these feelings take over.

Now, it's time for me to take back control of my own body.

Since Christmas break I have started this journey of taking back my own self. I have changed my eating habits and I have yet to miss a day at the gym. I am cutting out all soda and sugary drinks, fried foods, candy, and most carbs (like white bread, etc.). I am increasing the amount of fruits and vegetables I eat, decreasing my portion sizes, and avoid sugar as much as possible. I also make myself walk places and do everything I can to not to take the Trolley (which is so tempting) unless it is raining to hard to walk to class. I have been to the gym for at least an hour everyday doing cardio exercise since the 7th. I can already see a difference in my self, I am happier and more energized, and also feel slimmer than I was before. It's only been a week, so it's probably just the water weight that I'm losing, but it's still encouraging.

The turning point for me, or the straw that broke the camel's back, was when it occurred to me that I was only 5 pounds away from weighing 200 lbs (which is about two thirds the healthy body weight for a female of my height) and when I saw this picture of myself working with kids at a Missions Program put on by the Florida Baptist Convention in Milton:

After I saw this picture I knew that I couldn't continue doing things the way I did. So now, I'm starting a new chapter in my life. With God on my side I am taking back control of myself!

My goal is to get back to the 140 I was my junior year of high school, but more important than the weight, I want to be healthy and feel good about myself. God says in 1 Corinthians to treat our bodies as temples because they were bought at a price. I had been treating my body like a garbage can, filling it with waste and things that were unhealthy. My body was bought at a great price by a God who loves me, and it's about time I start treating it that way!

I find it hard to admit for the last two years that I have been going about things the way that I have, but that is exactly why I'm making this blog. This blog (that hopefully somebody out there will read) will not only keep me accountable to myself, but hopefully to others as well. And who knows, maybe somewhere down the road this will help someone else who reads it too.

I will continue to post updates to this blog at least once a week (on Tuesdays, which is why the blog is called Ruby Tuesdays) and will do my best to be completely honest. This is just me laying everything out on the table. So here goes nothing!