Catch Up

Hey everyone! I know my blog posts have been MIA for a little while but I am going to start them again. These last couple of weeks were interesting, I stayed up for almost 48 hours straight for the first time ever, I rocked all of my finals, I had the best birthday EVER, and I got to go home for a week. Now I'm just waiting for Orientation to start!

I have made some amazing friends since I came here in August. My best friend here on campus, Karli, who gave me permission to talk about her in my blog, coordinated the best surprise party for me EVER. It was so nice to get together with my friends and just have fun and drink butter beer (which is a non-alcoholic mixture of cream soda and yummy goodness for those of you who aren't Harry Potter fans) and eat red velvet cake. She even made a video for me that you can see on my facebook that had me in tears. I have the most wonderful friends here, and I love every single one of them so much. My friends mean the world to me. And again, thank you to everyone who helped make my birthday so special, and thank you to Karli who is one of the coolest gals I know!

So finals week was interesting, I ended up scoring very well on all my finals and I couldn't be much happier with my grades this semester. I worked so hard this semester, and I'm proud to say that it paid off. This last semester I learned so much about myself, time management, and my own personal capabilities. But that doesn't mean it didn't come with a price. I've learned how my body responds to stress as far as academics go. My Chemistry and Trigonometry exams were scheduled for the same day, and I had to turn in a paper at the day before, so I only slept a total of 5 hours between Saturday morning and Sunday night. Yikes! I would try and sleep, but when I closed my eyes all I could see was triangles and chemical equations and graphs about the one child policy in China. Because of this, I did learn that counting sheep at night actually helps me fall asleep, it keeps my mind concentrated on something other than my exams. I'm pretty sure I started to get delusional after I finished my chemistry exam, so I went to my room and slept for a good 12 hours. It was intense, but I did it, and I closed out my freshmen year with a bang!

After finals, I was able to go home for a week and spend some time with my family. The longer I am away from them the more I miss them. I got to spend some quality time with my parents, my brothers, my grandparents, and even some extended family. Sometimes, when life gets busy, it's easy to forget to slow down and relax, and spending time with my family always reminds me how important it is to do that. College is difficult sometimes because everything you do is going to affect your future for the most part; there aren't many decisions made in college that don't directly affect
where your life goes. I love going home and spending time with my family, even if it's just watching TV together, or eating dinner. I miss them all the time, and look forward to coming home when I have the chance.

As far as my spiritual life goes I've been doing better. I can tell I'm making progress for sure. I still feel a little lost, but I know God will get me back on the right track. I feel that it is harder for me to get back on track spiritually then before. A lot of times, this part of my blog is hard to write, my spiritual walk with God is something that is very personal to me, and sometimes its hard to even admit to myself that I haven't been doing everything I should to get back on track, so writing it on here for the world to see is difficult. But there comes a point where I have to admit it to myself, and to God, and it is very hard for me. I don't know if it is my pride, or my own selfish desires that make it difficult to talk about, but I know what I need to do to get my heart back in the right place. This past year and a half, closer to two years now, have been a struggle between being on track, and then getting distracted. I feel as if I used to be so on fire for God, and I feel as if that fire is dimmed a bit (or a lot). There are things that I know about God, I know that he exists, and that he created me and everyone and everything around me, and that he loved everyone so much that he sent his son to die for us, so that he could spend eternity with us and so that we can be connected directly too him, and that he can give us a better life than we can imagine for ourselves. I know all of these things and more, but I'm struggling to understand why I am at this point as far as my relationship with God goes, and how to fix it. I know that if I look to God, he will look back and meet me where I am, maybe it's just having faith in him that is difficult for me now. Like I said, it's hard for me to be so open about it, especially on here for everyone to see, but God said that following him wasn't exactly easy, I can understand that a lot better the older I get. So, I hope that wasn't too much to put here, but I want to be honest with where I am at this point. I know that no matter what happens though, God loves me and he isn't going anywhere, and that's comforting.

Now, since my last post I haven't gone running nearly as much. I have been able to go a few times, but not much at all. I had the pleasure of taking my dog with me while I was home although I almost tripped over him a couple times. Because of finals and being at home I haven't been keeping track of my running, so starting tomorrow I am going to get back on the bandwagon and keep track of my running. I am also going to have to start paying more attention to what I eat, which is hard when you don't have a meal plan anymore. I am going to have to track not only what I'm eating, but how much my food is costing as well since I will be financing my own food this summer. So this summer will definitely be a summer of learning in that regard.

Speaking of the summer, I am anxiously awaiting the start of Orientation. I can't wait to meet all of the incoming freshmen and formerly introduce them too the school, and I definitely can't wait to spend the next two months with my famOLy. But for now, I will just have to wait!

Because of how hectic my summer will be balancing two jobs, I will probably not be updating my blog every Tuesday. But I will be sure to update it once a week, and I will continue to post my updates on facebook and twitter for y'all to see. Thanks for reading! :)

Week 10

This past week for me has been pretty good as far as everything goes. A lot of things have been stressing me out, and I won't go into detail about everything that has happened, but I have lost sleep over all the different things that have happened. I know that I am not alone though, I have heard from many people that this past week has been really hard for a lot of my friends as well, so seeing how hard of a week it has been on everybody makes me a little sad. But the good news is, this week is a new week, and I can't wait to see what it has in store.

My eating this week has been pretty good, but I am not going to lie, I treated myself to fast food for the first time since August. I got a Mcdouble from Mcdonalds and forgot how delicious it was! But the weird thing is, it made my stomach hurt because I hadn't eaten one in so long. Even though it hurt my stomach, it is encouraging because it means that my body is cleansing itself of all of the bad things I used to put into it. So that means I am doing something right! I also was able to run 4.5 miles last night, and I felt like I could keep going if I wanted. So this means I am more than ready to run a 5K next time one comes around. I have heard of a lot of different 5Ks that will be happening around here and in Tallahassee, so I'm not sure which one I am going to actually run, but I really really really want my first one to be the color run!

I also just want to let everyone know that next week will be my last Ruby Tuesday's post until after finals week, so there won't be any updates the last week of April. I have a lot I need to study for and my grades need to be my number one priority right now. But that just means I will have twice the stories to share with you when I post again!

I got on a scale for the first time the other day, and was a bit discouraged to see that the number hadn't changed. I was beating myself up about it for about a day, but talking to one of my friends made me realize that even though the numbers aren't changing, I still am changing. I am still learning how to take care of myself in a healthy way, and when I look in the mirror, I can see the image changing. The changes that my body is making may be subtle to others, but I can see a change in myself. My clothes fit better, and I look healthier. I know with due time I will start to see even more results. I know last week I posted about pushing myself farther, and I have been doing that this week. So I know if I continue to push myself, I will see results again, and to be quite honest I can't wait.

Everyday I am reminded of how much my UWF family means to me. I have gotten so much encouragement from those around me, and each little gesture means more than anyone understands. I know I always have to put a little cheesey section about how much I love the people at my school but I really really love them!

So this week I want to close with talking about what happened in Boston. For those of you who don't know, yesterday at the Boston Marathon, two bombs went off in what is speculated to be a terrorist attack, although no one is sure what to call it. Three people where killed and many others were wounded. An eight year old boy was among those that were killed. This really hit home to me, because for a while I have been training to run a 5K, and I can't imagine how scary it was for the people who were running, and for the people who were there supporting those who were running.

It is quickly becoming scary to me to think of the presence of tragedies like this occurring in society today. I feel as if they are happening so often that we all have become desensitized to it. I know that for me, I don't remember a time of peace growing up, because most of my childhood was post 9-11. My generation is a generation of people who grew up in a time of war, and a time of terror, and a time when it was common to hear of violent acts towards innocent people, whether it be an attack on our country or attack on people in general. Because of this, I feel that as a society, we should take a moment and reflect when things like this happen. I think that we should all take a moment to acknowledge what happened and try to put ourselves in the shoes of those affected, and understand the impact this has on the people involved so that we don't become desensitized. I care for the people that were lost and the families and friends that have been devastated from events such as these, and sometimes I wonder how people are able to move on after. I can't imagine the heartache that is felt by the people who were affected by these tragedies.

I will never understand what would lead a person to commit a crime such as this, but I think that it is also important to remember to pray for the people who committed the act as well. My heart breaks for the victims and for the perpetrators of these crimes. In Luke 23:34 Jesus said, "Father, forgive them because they know not what they do." I do not understand, and never will understand what would drive a person to hurt other people in such a catastrophic manner, but it is so important to remember to pray for them as well. So this week if you are reading, please take a moment to pray for the people affected by this event, and if you don't pray take a moment to keep those involved in your thoughts.

That's all until next week, thank you for reading!

Week 9

This week I have good news! I am now able to run 3.5 miles without stopping! Woohoo! I am so excited about this, because that means that I am ready to run a 5k! Now I just have to save money so that I can sign up for the Color Run that will be here in May. I'm excited, and I am finding myself addicted to running now. I go almost everyday and I feel so great after I'm done. I have never in the course of my almost 19 years of living been able to run that far without stopping, so this is a big achievement in my book.

This last week I have gone running almost everyday and each day I am able to go a little bit farther than before. Sometimes it is harder than others, but I know in the end it will be worth it. The problem now is I am running out of room to run on campus, so I need to find some alternate routes around campus so that I can run farther.

Talking to my Mom this past week really made me push myself a lot harder these past few days. She knows I'm calling her out right now, but my Mom is one of my biggest cheerleaders in this whole thing. A conversation I had with her earlier this week made me realize that I wasn't pushing myself hard enough. It's crazy how much more your parents know about you than you know about yourself sometimes, right? Anyways, because of this I have been pushing myself a lot harder this week and it really has been paying off. So hopefully I will continue to push myself to see how far I can go.

I have been learning a lot in my spiritual life these last few weeks. Finding a church home has been hard because I have never had to find another church family before. I have always had a church to go to and be a part of back at home, I miss it pretty much all of the time. While on this search for a Church family, it has made me see things from a new perspective. I guess I never really knew how uneasy it could be to step into a new environment and not know anyone as far as church is concerned. While yes, I usually go to church college groups with friends, there are times when we are completely ignored. It's crazy how a simple "good morning" can ease the situation. It makes me realize how important it is to welcome others into the church, and how much influence we have on each other. I think sometimes we lose sight of that, and get comfortable with where we are and forget about those around us, especially when we find ourselves comfortable in our church groups. But taking that extra step to reach out to someone you haven't met or seen at church before goes a long way.

So I know that these blogs are becoming increasingly repetitive, but I am trying to find things to talk about that can mix it up a little bit as the weeks go on. I hope that you guys enjoyed reading today, and hopefully I'll have some more exciting things to talk about next week! Until then!

Week 8

So this week I have good news and bad news. Good news; I have broken my one and a half mile record and made it to two miles without stopping this week, so if I can get a little more than one mile under my belt, I can run an entire 5k without stopping, which is really exciting. The bad news is, and I am ashamed to say it, I missed my 5k this past weekend. I slept through my alarm and woke up an hour after the race had actually started. So now, did I not only miss my 5k, I also owe the school 14 dollars for not running, which in college currency, is about a hundred dollars. But, I have some more good news! Coming up in May, there is a color run that will be taking place exactly one hour from here in Orange Beach. If I can get someone to go with me, I am going to sign up and make that one my first 5k.

In a sense I don't think that it is the end of the world that I ended up missing my race, although it is disappointing. When I run my first marathon I want to be able to run the whole thing, and this gives me about another month to get ready for it. And, let's be honest, I think the color run sounds so much fun. So that's my plan for now.

This past week I have gotten out and ran almost every day except maybe 2 or three days, I haven't really been keeping track because now I usually end up running for fun. I never thought I would end up saying I enjoy running, but I do. I have been going around campus mostly, but when it starts to get really hot here in the summer I will have to start running at the gym again, but we will see.

My eating this week has been better, my only problem is eating at night has slowly started to creep back into to my routine. I need to start getting myself to stop eating after dinner, but everything tastes better at midnight! I usually try to keep fruit in my room for nights that I can't help but eat something to take off the edge a little bit. But over all I have been eating pretty healthy with a few exceptions.

I have noticed that lately I am becoming less concerned with my weight and more concerned with how I feel. I haven't gotten on the scale in a while because the closest one is in the gym, but it's almost kind of nice to not have to worry about the numbers on the scale. I need to check in with my weight and I will as soon as possible, but it really shows that I am running and eating healthy to be healthy. The more I continue to exercise, the better I feel about myself, and the better I feel about myself, the more motivated I am to keep exercising.

This week has been good faith wise. I have been to a couple of services around town and I really feel like I'm getting back on the right track. There are certain areas of my life that I know I should be working on, and it's encouraging because the ability to recognize those parts of my life is the first step towards getting my faith right with God again.

So that is it for this week! See ya next week!

Week 7

This week has been somewhat interesting I guess, nothing super spectacular has happened so I suspect this post won't be nearly as long as last weeks. I've just felt very, blah about everything. I feel like everything I am learning in my classes are becoming a big jumbled mess in my head that I can't really keep straight. I am going to have to do some serious organizing at some point today with my studies, because I don't want to end up getting stressed and worried. If college has taught me one thing, it's the importance of keeping calm and staying organized! Although I wish I hadn't waited until college to figure that out. My sleep schedule has been really off too, and I'm trying hard to get back into a regular routine again. I wasn't able to sleep until four in the morning last night. I know that has a lot to do with my disorganization and anxieties about getting all that I need to get done, done.

So this week I hit a huge marker on the road to becoming independent! I cooked my own food last night! I made quinoa salad and it was delicious, there is still some in my fridge and I can't wait to have more later tonight at some point. I do wish I had some olives, salt and pepper to add to the taste though. It's not the best thing I have ever eaten, but the fact that I know that if I didn't have a meal plan I could cook things for myself is exciting in it's own way! Woohoo!

I guess this week I don't really have much to say about life, but last week's post was really long so I think it's alright. This week I made it to the gym three times, and then I went for a run around campus a separate time. And speaking of running, the 5k I'm going to run is this weekend, and I'm scared! I haven't been able to make it more than a mile and a half without stopping, so I don't know how I will make 3.1 miles. I am going to do my best but it's scary. I planned on being so much farther ahead at this point then I am right now. I haven't weighed myself in a while either and I'm alittle worried about being discouraged when I do. I know that keeping track of that is a good way to stay motivated, but I'm conflicted about it, because I do want to lose weight but more importantly I want to be healthy. I'll just have to figure that out after I do my 5k on Saturday, it will be a fresh start!

This week the eating has gone superb, except for one slip up this week when the market was serving my favorite peanut butter cookies, but even then it wasn't too bad. I am definitely back on the right track even though I swerved off the road there for a little while. I find it hard sometimes to motivate myself to try harder, but I know that in the end I have come a long way, but continuing in that direction is the challenge.

As I was writing this, my friend Shannon just gave me the best present ever and I love her so much! But seriously, this girl is my role model. She makes me, and other's on campus to reach for their dreams and aspirations. She is so many people's biggest cheerleader and her ambition and determination inspires others to accomplish so much. This girl is going places, people!  And she means a lot to me and so many other's on campus!

That's all I have for this week, but I'm sure I will have more next week, and I will have updates regarding my 5k! Again, thank you to everyone who reads and for all the encouragement I have recieved!

Week 6: Spring Break Style

This last week, although stressful at times, was fantastic. This last week was my spring break, and although I didn't get to sleep in as much as I would have liked, I got to spend time with some of the people I love the most!

The first part of my spring break was spent in Tallahassee, which was busy busy busy! But, I got to spend time with my family and my friends. It is always so nice to spend time with my family especially after having gone so long without being with them. Those who know me well know that I love me some good quality family time! I spent a little more than a month away from home which is the longest I have gone without being in Tallahassee. I also got to see some of my closest friends, whose names I won't mention for privacy's sake, but they all know who they are. It was so cool to be able to catch up with my friends and see how far they have come in the past year and seeing all that they have accomplished, and getting some way overdue quality time with them. I love my friends!

One of the highlights of my Tallahassee time was going to Lincoln High School's FCA meeting on Thursday. Last year was a turning point for FCA, and God really grew the program on campus. It was so neat to see how God took the hearts of a few willing students, and grew the organization to what it was at the end of last year. To go back and see just how strong the FCA group still is on campus made me proud of my fellow former FCA leaders, and of the FCA leaders serving now. God is certainly with them, he is using them to change the campus, and it makes me so proud to see what they are doing today! I am so proud of all of them!

After going to Tallahassee, I went back to Pensacola to embark on a SROWtally awesome experience with my fellow OL's! The entire Orientation staff went to the Southern Regional Orientation Workshop to be educated in the art of Orientation Leading. I learned so much and had such a good time bonding with the staff, who I consider to be some of my closest friends! I learned so much while at SROW, but one of the things I learned that I will never forget, was actually taught to me by the University of New Orleans. The University of New Orleans had a workshop on servant leadership, which I had learned about in church multiple times, but this workshop put a different spin on it, specifically geared towards Orientation and things of that nature. The person putting on the workshop said that servant leadership was "leading so that others may lead." I had never heard it put that way before. I knew servant leadership was putting others before yourself, which is something I had always been taught, but I guess I had never thought of it in that way before. I will never forget that, and will try to apply this to many areas of my life, not just orientation.

Spending this past weekend with my Orientation family was so much fun, and I feel like I got to know each and every staff member so much better. It is so cool to see how our different talents mesh together, and see all the different things each person brings to the table. The keynote speaker at SROW said that he applied the philosophy of finding the rock star in every person that he meets, and let me just say that each person on staff has that inner rock star. They are all so amazing in different ways, and everyone is so unique! Sorry if this is getting cliche, but I can't help but love each and every one of them!

So anyways, onto the gym and fitness stuff. This past week has had it's good moments and bad moments. This week I didn't work out very much, but the amount of walking and dancing that I did at SROW was more than enough to count for daily workouts. There was only one day this week that I was actually out there running, and I made it to about half of a 5k without stopping. This makes me kind of nervous, because my 5k is only 11 days away, but it isn't going to stop me from trying. I am going to push myself to finish, but I am also going to be careful to listen to what my body may be telling me while I run at the same time. I don't want to end up hurting myself by pushing myself to hard, but I am going to try! So at some point today I am going to get out and run and see how far I make it. I have started to enjoy running outside versus inside, so it looks like some of y'all reading my be seeing me running around campus some these next few weeks!

My eating has still been not that great lately, I am allowing myself to cheat too much, and I am really going to have to focus on what I am putting in my body. I used to use my fitness pal to track what I eat so I don't overdo it, but I stopped using it when I got sick at the beginning of the semester, so it looks like I am going to start using it again because I can tell that I haven't been losing weight like I was in January. Which also means I am going to have to start running more often if I want to start losing again.

Something I want to reiterate is that I am not trying to lose weight because I don't love myself, I want to lose because I DO love myself. I was talking to my Mom recently about all of it, and I remember the night that I started to spiral out of control with my eating. I remember that one night before school, I packed my lunch and put it in my backpack, and took my back pack to my room with me. I remember being sad that night, and as I was reading my book I remember eating something out of my bag, and before I knew if, I had eaten the whole lunch I had prepared for the next day. For a long time after that, I would do that every night, and then in the mornings pack some more food for my lunch that day. I remember that when that started happening, I didn't see much value in myself, but now, I know that I have value. And that's why I am trying be healthier.

As far as my spiritual life goes, it has been going really well this past week. For those of you who know me well, you know that my faith is a big part of who I am. This past week I spent some time with one of my best  friends Emily (who gave me permission to use her name in my blog) out at the green way back in Tallahassee. By the way, that is on fire for God! I learned about all of the things that she is doing around Tallahassee, and it is crazy to see what God is doing through her, and homegirl is only a junior in high school! I am so proud of how far she has come and of the person she is today! She made me realize what was keeping me from rekindling my relationship with God. I had lost sight of how much God loves me. I think as Christians it is so easy to see our relationship with God as a formula, if I do x amount of this, and y amount of this, then I can get my relationship with God back on the right track, and that's not how it works. I know for me I was trying to earn God's love, which was against everything I have ever been taught, which is why it surprised me when I realized that was what was wrong. Emily reminded me that no matter what I do God still loves me, and just because I began to stray away doesn't mean I have to earn his love back. I think that's another reason why Christians struggle in their faith too. On earth, their is no one who loves unconditionally. When we go through lulls in our spiritual life I think people think we have to climb back up the spiritual ladder. But the whole point of Christianity is that we don't have a ladder we have to climb up, God takes us as we are BECAUSE he loves us unconditionally. It took me aback when I realized I had forgotten one of the most important components of my relationship with God. I also realized that when I talked to God, I tried to bring my past with me. At Camp WorldLight this past summer, one of the thing we taught our campers was that we didn't have to carry around burdens from our past any more, and we had the campers carry around a bag that had a wooden block in it the whole night, and they weren't allowed to let go of it. Then after the activity was finished, we would take the wood block from them and give them a gift box with nothing inside of it, demonstrating that God takes our burdens and our past and our sins away so that we can be free from them, and that we don't have to carry them around anymore. And just this past week, 8 months after camp was over, here I was, carrying this bag around with me.Talk about not taking your own advice! So this past week has been all about God taking this block from me and giving me the gift of nothing in return, and it's going pretty swell so far.

So this blog was rrreeeaalllyyy long and at some parts cheesey, but I appreciate you bearing with me! See you next week!

Week 5

Hey guys! So yesterday I completely forgot to post so here I am updating it today. The spring break bug has officially bitten and I have been sleeping in until at least 10 every day this week and I'm loving it. I'm really enjoying spring break so far, I am here back in Tallahassee until tomorrow and it's always good to come home and see my family again. I miss them so much when I'm gone!

This last week has been great diet wise, but not so great in the exercise department. This past week, with the exception of some cake pops I made with me friend yesterday, my diet has been great again, lots of veggies, protein and water and less sugar! But as far as the exercise goes it has not been as good. This afternoon at some point I am planning on taking my dog Patch on a walk/jog with me later while I have him home with me. Then after my jog I am going to reward myself by watching Duck Dynasty and The Americans tonight.

This week is short but next weeks post I assure you will be lllooonnnggg! See ya then!

Week 4

Hey y'all! So this week has been a bit crazy for sure. This is the part of the semester where everything starts to get hectic in preparation for Spring Break, and I have SO much to get done before I can start mine. With two exams coming up this week, I will probably spend the majority of my time in the library studying in between classes.

This past week hasn't been that great as far as eating healthy. Sunday and Monday definitely were not good, as I completely reverted back to my old habits of eating. I don't know what it was about Sunday and Monday but they were absolutely horrible as far as my eating went. I think I ate three candy bars on Sunday night, and its when I can't remember what I ate when I start to get concerned. When I can't remember what I ate, that probably means I ate too much. But this week is a new week, and I have been great about eating healthy today. So I am going to consider Sunday and Monday my cheat days for the last month, and move forward.

This week I was able to go to the gym three times. Each time was for about an hour and I also went to my Orientation dance practice for 3 hours so I count that a workout all on its own. Speaking of dance practice, I am super proud of my fellow Orientation Leaders, our dance looks great and I know that everyone is working hard to get prepared for SROW this next weekend. I couldn't be more proud of my fellow Argos!

I've noticed in these last 2 or 3 weeks that I have stopped losing, and I'm pretty sure it is because I have stopped going to the gym everyday. I still feel better but it is just much more encouraging to see the numbers on the scale. I'm still working towards my goal to run a 5K but I still cannot seem to run longer than a mile, it's like I'm going to be stuck at one mile forever! But I'm going to continue to work at it so I can run the bunny dash on March 30th. I signed up this last weekend so now I can't get out of it! Hopefully this next week though I will be able to get that number up.

As far as my faith goes this week not much has changed. I really need to get myself plugged back into the ministries here on campus again which I haven't been doing this semester. But we will see as the next few weeks come around. If I can get through these next two weeks I will be good to go and have my Thursdays free again to go to the BCM here on campus, which I'm super excited about!

So I know it's not much this week, but I have a lot of work to do to get ready for spring break, so hopefully next weeks post will be more exciting. See you on Tuesday!

Week 3

I have good news! So this week I decided to try on a pair of jeans that have been sitting in my drawers since Christmas Day. These were the jeans I got from my Mom that literally made me cry when they didn't fit. But hallelujah, if they didn't fit on Saturday! I have now gone from a size 16 jeans to a size 14! I have been telling everyone all week and I couldn't wait to put it on my blog! And not to mention, my Mom and my aunt came to visit me on Saturday and it was a total surprise, so not only did I go down a pants size, I got to spend all day with them. It was the highlight of my week for sure! This past weekend was probably the best weekend I have had in a long time.

Now, this week has been much better as far as gym and eating healthy goes with a few exceptions. This week I made it to the gym for 3 days, but on the third day I hurt my leg. It's not too bad, but it still hurts when I walk. It doesn't keep me from going to class but it definitely slowed me down a little bit. When I was at the gym, I did thirty minutes on the elliptical (where I pushed myself really hard) and decided to see how far I could run after my workout. So I ran around the track with my friend and ran 5 laps, which is 5/8ths of a mile, which could have been farther had I not just finished my workout. I stopped to stretch and hugged my knees and felt my hip pop. I know it didn't come out of socket, because that would have been MUCH more excrutiating, but that's the only way I know how to describe it. Needless to say it really hurt that night, but I was able to dance at Orientation practice (that doesn't mean it didn't hurt though). It's still kind of bothering me sitting and typing this. So it looks like until it starts to feel better I'm going to have to be a little kinder to it at the gym this week. Hopefully it won't put a damper in my training for my 5K but we will have to see.

Again, as the semester progresses I am finding it increasingly hard to find time for the gym. As far as Monday's and Tuesday's go, I don't make myself walk to the gym because I am too busy. And I have been getting behind in my classwork because my sleep schedule is all out of whack. I'm working on fixing it, but I slept through my alarm 2 days in a row last week and missed two days worth of classes, which for anyone who knows me well, I hate (unless it is algebra). The last thing I want to do is skip class, and the only thing I hate more than missing class, is showing up late to class. The worst is when you walk in late and your professor gives you this look that feels like they can see the innermost parts of your soul. It makes me shiver just thinking about it.

My stress level right now is through the roof. I have so much to study for that I get exhausted just thinking about it. The class I am most stressed about at the current moment is chemistry. I feel like I should be doing better than I am in that class, but I think I'm not used to doing all of the online bookwork and things like that. I'd rather have problems assigned to me out of the book. But the class that I am usually most stressed out about, which is Politics, I am ahead in, so it relieves some of the stress.

On thursday I had my first soda in a long time, and let me tell you, if it wasn't the most delicious thing I ever tasted. I didn't eat that much that day, and wasn't particularly hungry, so I let myself have it and a bowl of cereal and an orange for dinner. I have been craving Diet Coke ever since! For those of you who know me well, know that I had a deep relationship with Diet Coke, breaking up with it was one of the hardest and most emotionally challenging things I have had to do since I started this whole journey. But now I know not to let myself splurge on it again because it is a habit I do not need to start again.

These past few weeks as far as my faith goes have been rocky. To say that college hasn't made me think about where I am spiritually would be a lie. Being in college has exposed me to a wide range of different beliefs and views on spirituality that you don't really get in high school, where a good bit of the people there you have grown up with, at least from middle school. But I am still working on getting back on the right track, and I am still finding myself being grounded in what I believe, it's the faith and relationship part that I am struggling with right now. It's hard to find time to work on my relationship with God when I have so many other things to work on. I'm going to try and make a better effort this week. It's hard for me to be honest about this part, because my faith is something that I hold very dearly, but it's not something that I can keep to myself, because regardless of what I tell other people, I believe God really knows the condition of my heart.

So here's the part where I talk about how much I love my school and the people here. I love being here at UWF and getting to know the people I have. I have made so many friends and have been learning about others and myself. I especially love my fellow Orientation Leaders, and love being a part of what Orientation is all about. Yadda, yadda, yadda, I love it here!

I have been getting so many emails and facebook messages from you guys who are reading my blog, and it is the most encouraging thing. I have gotten messages from people who have learned something from my blog, who are going through the same thing I am, and from people who are encouraging me along the way. I love getting feedback from all of you, and I am glad to know that there are people out there who are benefitting from reading my blog. Thank you so much for your encouragement and for cheering me on, and for some of you, taking this journey with me as I try to gain back control of myself.

And now I'd like to give a special shoutout to my fellow ginger and student coordinator for Orientation, Shawn Mallory, for giving me a 6 cent tip for getting him a chocolate milk at dance practice, and who reads my weekly blogs. Thanks Shawn!

So that's all for this week, see ya next Tuesday!

Week 2

I am so sorry for not posting yesterday, Mondays and Tuesdays are the biggest days of the week for me so it's hard to find time to write then. On mondays I don't get out of class until 9 pm, and on Tuesday I have classes all day and a training for my summer job at night until 11, so it's extremely busy.

This past week has been better, though not as good as I would have hoped. I have resumed my diet for the most part but now I have to wean myself off of sugar and carbs again so that has been tough. This week I have been feeling better about what I eat, and I don't feel guilty about any of the things I've eaten so that is fantastic! I also have been going back to the gym. This week I only went three times but was working out for a full hour the whole time I was there.

These next few weeks, in order to keep myself from stressing out, I am going to go to the gym every other day. This is because I am trying to train for a 5k here at UWF in March and when training for a 5k it is important to give your muscles a chance to heal and get stronger. I will be doing other things that require more physical activities on the other days, maybe like going on walks with some friends on the nature trails they have here, which is one of the reasons I love this school so much! They have a number of beautiful trails that go all through the woods and over a pond, and they have canoes that you can use in the pond as well. Apparently there is a beaver that lives out there as well, and I'm determined to find him!

Training for the 5k is what my goal is going to be for these next few weeks. I have always told my parents I want to be able to run one, and now I'm going to try. Right now I am at the point where I can run 20 minutes without stopping, and 10 minutes more after that if I take a 5 minute break. So we will see how far I can make it this week.

This weekend has been a really good weekend. I am constantly reminded over and over again how much I love this University. I love my school and all of the people here, it really has become my home. But being here also makes me appreciate my home that I came from, and being away also reminds me of how much they love me as well. I miss them and I can't wait to see them over spring break. Just 3 weeks!

Thats all for this week, on Tuesday I will make sure I get my post out on time, even if I have to write it the day before. Have a wonderful week, and I'll see you on Tuesday!

Starting over, Week 1

Well this week has been less than pleasant. I have been sick since last week and it has taken until yesterday to fully recover. On Tuesday I had a total of 5, yes, 5 nosebleeds, which is d-i-s-g-u-t-i-n-g. They were so bad that I had a friend of mine take me to the hospital, where they told me I shouldn't have come (go figure). They gave me some afrin and I was on my way. But the next day my nosebleeds were gone and I awoke to a violent cold of some sort that I tried to fight off with Nyquil and Dayquil. It has had me down literally all week, I still have a pretty gnarly cough to remind me.

Needless to say, I haven't been to the gym all week. I went yesterday for 20 minutes but I could tell pretty quickly it wasn't a good idea to go back yet. It ended up making me feel worse. But now I think I am better and will try again tomorrow.

My eating this week has also been horrible, and because I've been sick and I haven't been eating well, it looks like I'm back to square one. Which I'm not lying, really stinks. I am not happy about it. But there is nothing I can do about it now except pick myself back up and try again tomorrow. I'm going to start all over tomorrow, eating healthy, going to the gym, and overall making myself become more active.

Last month I lost 7 pounds. I may have back tracked on that a little bit this past week, but you know what, if I did it before I can do it again. This will just have to be a lesson in picking myself back up. This is also something that I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. Weight loss is not something that you do once and you don't ever have to do again. What I am trying to do is about so much more than that. This is about lifestyle change. It's about taking care of my body, something that I am going to have to do for the rest of my life. So I'm looking at this last week not as something to set me back, but as something to push me forward.

Sorry this post came so late, I've been playing catch up all day because of last week, which consisted mostly of wallering in my own sickness. But all in all, I am looking forward to what this week will bring, and I will resume my gym visits tomorrow and will post next week.

Thank you to everyone who has been so encouraging to me in this so far. If it weren't for y'all, I may not be going back to the gym tomorrow. But because of y'all I have the motivation to keep going,and for that I thank you. Have a good week!

Entering Week 5

I am not excited about posting this week. This week has been so busy, and I here I sit at 2:30 in the morning writing this blog with a slight fever that came out of no where and a stuffy nose. And I have class in 6 hours. Oh, and mono has been going around campus, so I hope I don't have that. Woohoo.

This week as far as eating healthy has been rough. I have eaten french fries on multiple occasions and have gone over my calorie limit almost everyday. I still haven't had soda, and I've been doing good about the sugar. It's the grease that is the problem. Nothing tastes better to me than a warm hamburger with melted cheese and all the good stuff, with a side of greasy hot fries and ketchup and honey mustard. But, because I have been so busy this week (not sure what exactly I've been busy doing, everything is such a blur right now) I have been eating dinner after the Nautilus Market has closed, and have had no other option than to go to Papa John's which is right next to my residence hall.

This is painful to type. This week I have had:
1 cheese pizza
1 garden fresh pizza
1 cinnapie
2 boxes of Macaroni and Cheese
3 servings of Fries
3 servings of Fried Chicken
1 trip to TCBY
and to top it all off 1 hamburger from the Market.

Wow, writing it out like that puts it in perspective. Looking at my eating habits this week shows me both how far I have come, and how easy it is to slip back into my old eating habits. Usually, if I wasn't sick, I would be craving some french fries or leftover cake or brownies or a big bag of Tostitos Hint of Lime chips and queso. And I would probably be pigging out right now. But the fact that I know that I can stay up late working on homework or studying, and NOT pig out is a huge accomplishment. And even though the stuff I have been eating this week hasn't been good for me, the amount I eat is significantly less. I usually eat something really small for breakfast, like fruit and coffee, and then have a larger lunch and dinner. Something else I have figured out, it has a lot to do with the time that I eat. If I eat dinner at 5 pm, work on an assignment until 11 or 12, I'm starving by the time I go to bed. So by eating later, say around 7 or 8, I am able to curve those cravings a bit.

But still, seeing all of the bad things I ate last week still sucks. But this week will be a new week.

I haven't been doing so well on the exercise either. I went to the gym 4 times this week, only 4 times! Mostly due to being busy, but I know I can find time in my schedule somewhere. The problem now is, the closer tests and exams get, the less time I have to put aside to working out, and I can't let my grades suffer to go to the gym everyday. I am doing my best, but right now I have two exams at the end of this week, so academics are definitely going to be my focus. If I stick to the schedule I have made for myself I should be able to get in at least 30 minutes a day in. This plan could be quickly squandered if I wake up tomorrow feeling just as bad as I do tonight. Bleeehhhh.

I really need to get right with God again. I can say that this week I have tried to read my Bible but it would be a lie. This is also very painful to admit. I feel like for a while I have been very strong in my faith, but I just haven't been able to continue to grow closer to God like I used too. Sometimes I just get so sidetracked that when I have time to read I simply don't. I want to start moving in my relationship with God again, but it is hard for me because I either don't know how too, or I don't want too. The condition of my heart is either not right, or I am just unwilling to give it to him right now. I need to figure out what piece of my heart that I'm holding onto. I am strong in my beliefs but not strong in my faith right now. I hope to change that this week, with God's help.

Now I know so far this blog post has been pretty depressing, but I don't want you to think my whole week sucked, it didn't, it's been pleasant! It's just as far as my eating, exercise, and faith go, I have been less than thrilled to say the least. I have had a lot of fun with my friends this week, I have met so many new people and have grown closer to the friends that I already had. It is exciting for me to see new relationships start and old ones continue to grow.

On a much happier note, I am pretty sure I dominated my math test this week, I find out what I got on Wednesday so if it is good I will be posting about it for sure. And I really do love this school. I am so happy here and I love all of the people that I have met and I really feel like this school is perfect for me.  I love it here, for sure!

Now if I can just beat this sickness. That's all for this week!

Entering Week 4

This past week has been nuts. It seems like the busier I get the harder it is to make my way to the gym everyday. Today's post will be short but hopefully I will find time this week to write more, I have so much to do and so little time!

This week I went home to celebrate my Mom's birthday, so I went back to Tallahassee this weekend to be with her. It was fun! Me and my dad put money together to by her a new fossil purse for her from Dillards; I was a bit jealous. It was originally about $230.00 and we got it for $64.00, don't you love those new year blowout sales! But it was nice to see her and be with my family since I won't be able to be with them for the next few weeks.

This week I only missed one day at the gym, and that was Saturday. So far I have been doing at least 30 minutes of cardio at the gym everyday, even as late as 9 at night because I have been so pressed for time. But the good news is, I am back in the 180s! I now weigh 188 pounds, which is 7 pounds less than what I started at. It is so encouraging to know that my effort is paying off.

Even though the pounds have continued to fall off, I have found it increasingly hard not to slip into my old eating habits. And it isn't necessarily the foods I eat (even though I have treated myself a few more times than I should have), but it is the amount I let myself eat. I could eat so much salad at one sitting, but eventually the amount of nutrition that I get from the vegetables in the salad is canceled out by the fat in the dressings that I am putting on it. But I know this week will be a new week and I will just have to start trying a little bit harder.

This morning when I stepped out of my bed, I landed right on the metal end of my soft tape measure my mom gave me to keep track of the inches I am losing, and I cut my foot. The cut is about the size of a grain of rice, but it was deep and bled really bad when it happened. It was right in the middle of my foot too and my foot has hurt all day and I have been walking of the side of it since this morning, it stings! I feel like a little kid complaining about a paper cut, but I kid you not, it hurts sooooooo bad. I'm thinking that just because today is so busy and I have so much studying I have to do as well as a meeting to go to tonight, today I won't go. But that just means that I can't miss a day this week, so starting tomorrow I will be in the gym everyday until next Tuesday.

Another thing I also noticed with eating healthier is that my fingernails are so much stronger than they used to be. They used to break so easy but now I can grow them long and have them look good! And the jeans I bought three weeks a go are now getting looser, I can't wear them without a belt, so hopefully I will be out of these jeans and into some new ones soon!

That's all for this week! See you Tuesday!

Entering Week 3

So this week was not as good as last week, I wasn't able to go to the gym everyday because I went home for the weekend, but it was worth it. One of the things I like most about living away from home, is the excitement that comes along with returning home. I had lots of fun with both of my parents, helping my Dad with some work things and shopping with my Mom. I also got to see my grandparents; it was a good time. And not to mention on Thursday I had my first french fry in 3 weeks, it was so good! But now I have to wait three more weeks before I can have more. I figured it would be good to reward myself every once in a while so I will reward myself with a delicious meal from steak n shake every three weeks I go without eating fried food, so far it has worked pretty well!

This week I went to the gym a total of 3 days and then went on a run with my dog on Sunday, who turned out to be a pretty good running companion. I was scared the whole time, Buck Lake road is really dark at 8 at night! But I guess the fact that I was scared kept me going. Patch was fervent that he was going to stay at least 6 feet ahead of me at all times, but I felt safer knowing he was there!

Yesterday I planned to go to the gym after I got back from my weekend, only to find that I left my car lights on all weekend long. My car was completely dead, it wouldn't even jump! My gym buddy and I didn't want to walk up to the gym because it was already really late, so we just ordered in dinner and I went to sleep at about 9 or 10. But yesterday was the first time that I actually wanted to go to the gym because I missed it.

This week I am determined to be better! Now that I know that I can run out on the pavement (something I had never tried before) I am going to make sure I get exercise everyday, going home over the weekend is no longer an excuse not to work out!

In addition, I am planning on implementing a new part of my getting-back-on-track routine. I recently received a pamphlet from the BCM on campus that has segments from both the new and old testaments to read in a year. I was planning on starting on the first but forgot about it until yesterday. So now, I will be reading those segments everyday to read the Bible from cover to cover by this time next year, so hopefully God will be showing me some other areas of my life I can work on as well.

In other news, I went to the doctor and so far I have lost 4 pounds since I last weighed myself! I have gone from 195 to 191 in the last two weeks, and I had to tighten my belt 2 belt loops to keep my pants on, which are now too big to keep up! So it looks like if I keep it up, I'll be headed toward my goal in no time. My parents and my family could even tell a difference, which is super encouraging. I've been noticing that my clothes are fitting me better as well, they aren't nearly as tight as they were before, which give me a huge boost in my confidence, and makes me want to go back to the gym even more. I've been a lot happier, and I continue to see and feel so much better about myself, even though I fell off the bandwagon a little bit this week. But that just makes me want to try harder to improve these next few days.

I think my biggest fear is going to be that plateau I will hit eventually. Right now I am doing exclusively cardio, which will work for a while. Sooner or later though, I will have to start working harder during my cardio exercises, and start doing strength training as well in order to keep losing. However, with just the cardio, I can tell that my resting heart rate is slower, and my max heart rate while I'm at the gym is getting lower too, which means that my cardio exercise is paying off in more than just the way my clothes fit me.

I just want to take a second and thank everyone who has been so encouraging in this so far, it means so much to me and it makes me feel good knowing that I have tons of support from you guys! It means more that you know! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

So that is all until next week guys! See ya then!

I don't have much time to post this morning but as promised I will be updating today! This week has had its tough moments and its easy moments. I feel so much better than I did before I started to eat healthy. This week I can proudly say I haven't had any fried food (except for a little bit of fried chicken on my Cesaer salad on Tuesday night) and that I have significantly cut my sugar intake. I haven't had any soda and I have been drinking water like a madman caught in a desert. I think the hardest part of this week was fighting the urge to stand in the hamburger and french fries line here at UWF, but if that's the hardest thing about eating healthy then it may not be all that bad.

I can also say that I have been to the gym for a whole week without missing a day! But let me just say, this is HARD. There are some days I would rather just sit in my room chewing celery than go to the gym, but with some help from my friends here I have made it. For most of the days this week I've been doing 45 minutes of  cardio but yesterday and Sunday I only did 30 minutes, which is going to change today. I will be making sure I make it to that 45 minutes once again!

I haven't weighed myself for the week, but I did weigh myself at the gym on Thursday and I was down to about 191.5 which is encouraging, but it could just be my weight fluctuating like it normally does. Throughout the day my body will be at a 193 to 196 range. But the next time I find myself at the scale I will be posting to see if there has been progress.

Most importantly, I have noticed that this past week, not only have I felt healthier and more energized, I feel happier and find it easier to sleep at night. I still need a little bit of help from my Zzzquil sometimes (which in case you didn't know, makes you have crazy dreams!), but I do not find myself staying up until the wee hours of the morning watching television, and when I am awake I am much more productive than last semester. So all in all, even if the number on the scale doesn't change, this is a lifestyle I am still willing to keep up just for the sake of how much better it makes my life all around.

So that's it for this Ruby Tuesday! I will be posting a little bit more throughout the week but if not, see you next Tuesday!

Fish are Friends, and also Food

I know it's not Tuesday but I can simply not contain my excitement! Me and my room mates went on quite the adventure. The idea of buying a pet fish for our dorm has been the subject of many of our conversations, and today we finally got our pets. And yes, you read that right, PETS. Today after scouring Petco, Petsmart, Petland, and Walmart, we finally found the right combination of fish to live together in their little fish bowl. And they are adorable! Vanessa got two Mollies, one black and one white, Ashlyn bought two male Guppies, one red and one black, and I bought two Diamond Tetras and five teeny tiny blue Tetras. I love them!

Diamond Tetra:                                   Blue Tetras:

Male Guppy:                                       Mollies:

All our fish!

We are still trying to figure out names for the Mollies, so if anyone has some let us know!

Since the end of my junior year, I found myself to be an emotional eater and more than likely a food addict. I eat when I'm bored, when I'm emotional, when I'm sad, and when I feel bad about myself, and the impulse to eat is nearly impossible to ignore. I start to eat when I wake up in the morning, and don't stop until I fall asleep at night. And I don't eat healthy foods either. I eat cheeseburgers, candy, soda, pizza, ice cream, anything fried or made of sugar, or anything that I can get my hands on. Over the course of an emotionally challenging year and a half, I have gained a total of 50 lbs. My clothes no longer fit, I avoid photos, I hate the idea of people seeing me at my current weight, and I don't feel good about myself anymore. My self confidence and my faith have taken a huge hit, and my health is not nearly where it should be for someone of my age.

I now feel worse about myself than I did when I started this habit of emotional eating. I no longer have control over my own body, since I simply act on the impulses of my emotions and feelings.  I have gone from a size 10/12 to a size 16 + in pants, and have gone from 140 pounds to 195 pounds, which is more than I have even admitted to those closest to me. When I look  in the mirror, I don't see extra pounds that I need to lose. I've realized those extra pounds are the physical representation of the emotional feelings that I carry around with me. Around my hips I see my own insecurities and people I need to forgive, around my stomach I see where I've been disappointed in myself, and around my waist I see where I have failed. I have let these feelings take over.

Now, it's time for me to take back control of my own body.

Since Christmas break I have started this journey of taking back my own self. I have changed my eating habits and I have yet to miss a day at the gym. I am cutting out all soda and sugary drinks, fried foods, candy, and most carbs (like white bread, etc.). I am increasing the amount of fruits and vegetables I eat, decreasing my portion sizes, and avoid sugar as much as possible. I also make myself walk places and do everything I can to not to take the Trolley (which is so tempting) unless it is raining to hard to walk to class. I have been to the gym for at least an hour everyday doing cardio exercise since the 7th. I can already see a difference in my self, I am happier and more energized, and also feel slimmer than I was before. It's only been a week, so it's probably just the water weight that I'm losing, but it's still encouraging.

The turning point for me, or the straw that broke the camel's back, was when it occurred to me that I was only 5 pounds away from weighing 200 lbs (which is about two thirds the healthy body weight for a female of my height) and when I saw this picture of myself working with kids at a Missions Program put on by the Florida Baptist Convention in Milton:

After I saw this picture I knew that I couldn't continue doing things the way I did. So now, I'm starting a new chapter in my life. With God on my side I am taking back control of myself!

My goal is to get back to the 140 I was my junior year of high school, but more important than the weight, I want to be healthy and feel good about myself. God says in 1 Corinthians to treat our bodies as temples because they were bought at a price. I had been treating my body like a garbage can, filling it with waste and things that were unhealthy. My body was bought at a great price by a God who loves me, and it's about time I start treating it that way!

I find it hard to admit for the last two years that I have been going about things the way that I have, but that is exactly why I'm making this blog. This blog (that hopefully somebody out there will read) will not only keep me accountable to myself, but hopefully to others as well. And who knows, maybe somewhere down the road this will help someone else who reads it too.

I will continue to post updates to this blog at least once a week (on Tuesdays, which is why the blog is called Ruby Tuesdays) and will do my best to be completely honest. This is just me laying everything out on the table. So here goes nothing!